She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
