I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
