im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize