Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
