Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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