I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
only you would photoshop your dick
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
