i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i came on her dog
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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