No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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