oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
