I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
