I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
