Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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