The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize