I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
