sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
