32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
