Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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