I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
