No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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