I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
