Can i not drive my cunt home
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you will always have a special place in my vag
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
