On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
