Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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