PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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