never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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