my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
