Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
