my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
