you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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