i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
