I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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