we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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