If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
