Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
