it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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