That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
