You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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