Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
