i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
