3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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