Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
