She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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