i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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