I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
