I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
