I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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