the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
