I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
