I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
