just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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