I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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