There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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