Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
