Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
