Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
