Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
