Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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