false alarm. still invincible.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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