I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
