Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
