i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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