I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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