you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
