you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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