I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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