hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
