Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
