my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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