awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
