break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
