just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
