Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
