you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
